It’s Going To Be Benign.

My sister and I have a plan of attack on this little lima bean.  The treatment plan is basically this – every morning, I tell the lump that it’s benign and that this is going to be a routine surgery.

I keep telling it that. 

At some point in my life I was told that if you say something enough times you’ll start to believe it.

I’m still waiting for that to happen.

I know it’s an irrational fear.  We have no idea what this thing is.  It is going to be nothing, benign – something of no consequence…but something inside of me continues to think about the “what if” possibilities.

If you know me, you know this is exactly what I do.  I worry about the worst case scenario – always.  For example, we were out shopping once and one of my kids wandered off…she was just in the next aisle over – but my heart immediately left my chest and my thoughts immediately jumped to the “what would I do” scenario.

That’s what keeps happening with this.  I’m scared.  I shouldn’t be – I don’t have enough information to be scared…but that’s what makes it worse.  I don’t have the information.  Knowledge is power – and right now the lack of knowledge has a terrible power over me.

I’m seriously okay.  I have my moments of insecurity and fear – but there are more moments of feeling like this is going to be a nothing – a blip in the radar of my life.

It’s going to be benign.  Period.